It is definitely my intention to use this blog to make others laugh at the barrage of things that life throws at us. I think if you are as immature as I am, you can find humor in almost anything….something to strive for I guess! My inner monologue is my best friend and I am happy to share it with anyone who finds the world as amusing as I do. But my friends, today I am saddened to share with you something that I have recently been plagued with and it is no laughing matter….I have ICRS. ICRS for those of you who are unfamiliar is the single most underdiagnosed, underacknowledged condition out there currently. People are embarrassed and ashamed of confronting this condition and I am freely admitting to be afflicted. This neurological deficit is crippling in daily life but there is help out there for those who want to improve their lives. I have ICRS…..”I Can’t Remember Shit”. Admitting it is the first step.
I used to have what I considered a pretty sharp noggen. I could repeat something to myself once and remember it the entire day. Now sadly, my house looks like the warehouse at the post it factory because unless I write it down, I have no chance of remembering to do anything. In fact, I now have post its to remind me to read my other post its. Yes world, I am in imbecile. I need a lojack to locate my car in the parking lot and then when I do find it, I can’t remember where the hell i’m supposed to be going next. I was actually sitting on the toilet the other day and forgot what I was there to do. (Ok a slight exaggeration, but I did almost doze off with my trousers down). ICRS is a scary diagnosis but you are not alone. Most of us can’t remember shit. We pretend to have it together but inside our synapses and neurons are all askew. For a second there I forgot what I was writing this blog about.
I do however have some suggestions to help you in your quest to regain your mental acuity or at least give the appearance of such:
1. If you are looking for your keys for the eightieth time because you can never find them, keep an extra set near the oreos because you know you’ll be hitting that spot sometime soon.
2. If you can’t remember your kids names, change their names all to bob or make them wear those little tags that say “my name is”. As for your husband you don’t need to remember his name…just call him “hey you”. I’d say call him “baby” or “honey” but he might take this as an invite for getting romantic and you are way to tired to deal with that whole thing.
3. If you boss gave you an important task to do and you can’t remember what it is, fake a slip and fall at work and go on sick leave.
4. If you were supposed to have company and you just realize five minutes before they are due to show up, grab the can of cheez whiz and stale triscuits and just make the best of it!
5. If the bank won’t cash your check because you wrote the wrong year on it, just go with the old tried and true time traveler story. They will be so confused they will just cash the check to get rid of your crazy ass self.
6. Can’t find your cell phone? Call it from the land line…..or better yet, once you find it put it on vibrate in your pocket and call yourself all day:-)
7. Lose one of your kids in the toy store….find a well behaved child and take them home with you.
8. Forget someone’s birthday? Don’t sweat it. Have your kids do a “homemade card” because it is the thought that counts but then put a $50 in it because it’s definitely not the thought that counts.
9. If you find yourself repeating things, don’t worry about it…such is life.
10. If you find yourself repeating things, don’t worry about it…such is life.